Whore-Off

You know itâs gotten bad when Chaotic was the best youâve looked in years.

Remember when Chaotic, Britney and Kevinâs ãhome movieä reality show, aired on TV and we all thought ãWow! Britney is a dumb, trashy, skank!ä? Well that was only an appetizer for the skanky trash display we were about to see. Britney continues to amaze me because, every single time she seems to have hit rock bottom in her life and Iâm certain her career is over, she discovers an entirely new low point.

I remember watching Chaotic and thinking, ãIâm shocked her people let her release this because it makes her look like a bumbling moron who is getting played so hard by Kevin Federline.ä It was true. She looked totally ignorant. Kevin looked like those white kids that hang out outside of Footlocker and wear oversized Iverson jerseys so black people think theyâre ãgangstaä and treated her like crap in every single episode· and she followed him around like a puppy. It was almost sickening to watch.

On top of that, she seemed like a 10-year-old trapped in the body of a pop star. It was like something out of Big or the Jennifer Garner movie Thirteen Going on Thirty where she is suddenly transformed into an adult even though she retains the mind of a 13-year-old. Britney seemed like your typical former child star. She had grown up and now she was a hot chick, but her brain was at the level of most 6th graders.

She showed off her ignorance and stupidity at every turn. In one episode, it became apparent that she knew nothing about Europe, including the fact that it consists of many different countries, when she kept referring to it as ãoverseasä as opposed to stating which nation, or even which city, she was currently in. In another episode, she decided to analyze some art hanging in her room and explained that the image was ãa woman on top of the world and in love with [the man in the picture]· but heâs gonna break her heart, or put something through it.ä And letâs not forget the infamous line, ãThey look like boobs, but theyâre not, theyâre my knees!ä which was followed by moronic laughter. It was like she and Jessica Simpson were in some kind of battle for the title dumbest blonde pop star on a reality show.

Chaotic made her look bad, but if we compare her then and now, it made her look like Princess Diana.

I feel like right now, Hollywood is in a gigantic trash competition, a whore-off if you will, where trainwreck celebrities like Britney, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and of course, Tara Reid, compete to see who can sink to the lowest low. Who can be the sloppiest drunken whore? Who can flash their beaver to the most photographers? Who can be forced into rehab the most times? Who can do things that would make most insane homeless people blush and still pretend theyâre a role model for little girls? Paris used to be the front runner in this contest (because she seemed to invent this game) but lately Britneyâs been going for the title.

It all reminds me of that episode of South Park called ãStupid Spoiled Whore Video Playsetä where all the little girls in South Park idolized Paris Hilton and strived to be the stupidest and most spoiled whore in town. They threw crazy drunken parties, made sex tapes, and wore hoochie clothes as they prostituted themselves for attention. In the end, the girls discovered that it was stupid· oh, and Mr. Slave shoved Paris Hilton up his ass.

These girls are the biggest attention whores in the world. Itâs only a matter of time before one of them sets herself on fire just to get her picture on the cover of Us Weekly. I wouldnât be surprised if right now Paris Hilton is trying to figure out how steal the spotlight from Anna Nicole Smith. Maybe sheâs asking around and trying to see how she could overdose and die, but still watch herself on Entertainment Tonight.

Our hands arenât clean in this matter either. We pay attention to these whores, thus fueling their desire for even more attention. I know Iâm totally to blame too. This is TRASHwire.com after all and we spend all our time ferociously following the Anna Nicole drama as it unfolds or watching the latest reality tv abortion. However, we understand the difference between a trashy star and a real one and we can appreciate real art at the same time as loving total garbage for itâs guilty pleasure factor. We might be the only people on earth who like The 400 Blows and The Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency.

Still, the battle for sloppiest celebrity whore rages on. Britney has pulled into the lead these days, but Iâm sure weâll see Lindsay or Paris gain some ground in the future. Fortunately for you, weâll read about it so you donât have to. When youâre looking for your trashy celebrity fix, all you have to do is click over to Trashwire.

UPDATE:
Was I right or what? A little while ago, I wrote this piece, saying that most of these Hollywood starlets, like Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Tara Reid, are attention whores who will do anything for the spotlight. In the article, which I wrote shortly after Anna Nicole Smithâs death and the impending media circus that followed, I said that, ãI wouldnât be surprised if right now Paris Hilton is trying to figure out how steal the spotlight from Anna Nicole Smith. Maybe sheâs asking around and trying to see how she could overdose and die, but still watch herself on Entertainment Tonight.ä While it might not be Paris who is seeking the coveted paparazzi lens, Britney Spears has shocked and horrified us all by shaving her head, getting weird tattoos, having a break down, and going to rehab. Take that, Anna-Nicole-legal-battle-controversy! Britney has just dealt a major blow to the biggest entertainment story and managed to get all the ãreportersä on ET, E! News, and even Court TV to stop talking about Anna Nicole for a few hours and devote all their attention to her. Itâs only a matter of time before Paris or Lindsay start setting themselves on fire in their own desperate plea for attention.

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